Several times in the past week, I have had discussions with patients and fellow cancer survivors about how and when they felt the full emotional impact of their cancer diagnosis. So often, I hear the phrase “I did so well during treatment so I thought I had this.” The truth is you probably did have it.
As humans, we tend to do very well when we have a plan to follow and we know what to do. Often, it is not until after treatment is over and the plan becomes intermittent follow up and a message of “let’s wait and see” that the fear and uncertainly really sets in. It makes sense because now we are being asked to sit in an uncertain place while getting on with our lives as if we have all the time in the world and that is no longer how it may feel.
This is part of what the “new normal” is all about. Whether you like the term or not, the new normal is the life you have after treatment and part of that life includes the realization that life is fragile. While anyone of us could take a walk today and step off a curb only to get hit by a bus, most of us did not spend any time thinking about that before getting diagnosed with cancer. Now, the awareness is ever-present and something we have to learn to acknowledge while still living our lives.
Here are some thoughts on how to get started:
Start with short term plans - You can begin by thinking about the next few weeks then tn the nest few months before jumping into a 5-year plan.
Get clear about what is important to you and sprinkle a little of that into each day.
Find actives and people that help you to feel secure or calm when the fear, anger, uncertainty or sadness show up. This is not so say that we are trying to get rid fo the feeling. Instead, we can acknowledge how we feel and take care of ourselves even if the feeling continues.
Feel the feelings - The more we push our feelings away the louder they tend to get. So, instead practice just naming how you feel and notice that the feeling passes whether we do anything about it or not.
Talk to those you trust about how you are doing. Experiencing empathy in the face of our fears can make a world of difference.
Know that experiencing these feelings after treatment is normal but if they are getting in the way of your ability to engage in your life then it may be time to get some professional support.
If you have questions about this blog or any information included on this site please feel free to contact Dr. Davidson at info@cancerpsychologist.com.
Dr. Davidson is a health psychologist, in Los Angeles, whose practice focuses on support for those with a range of medical illness. Her specialization in cancer allows her to help patients adjust to their diagnosis, cope with treatment, and transition back to work and family responsibilities after treatment has finished. Dr. Davidson has assisted patients in finding new ways to achieve a greater sense of wellness as they adjust to a "new normal". Her focus is on helping patients improve and maintain the quality of their lives regardless of illness trajectory.
For more information about Dr. Davidson please visit www.stephaniedavidsonpsyd.com