There are many losses that come with a cancer diagnosis. The first is often our sense of safety in our own bodies. As we continue on the path, there are treatments that take our hair, our body parts, our feeling of health, our ability to do the job we love, or our independence (to name a few). Many people also see changes in their relationships that can create a sense of loss as some of the people we felt like we could count on struggle to show up.
Some grief also happens in anticipation of some of the things we may have to miss or won’t get to do such as have children, start college or miss a family reunion or trip with friends.
So much grief in a short time can leave us feeling emotionally overloaded. Despite what we hear, grief is not simply a set of stages we move through before it ends. Instead, we must find a way to process the loss.
The first thing and most important thing we can do is to help ourselves is to recognize when grief shows up and call it for what it is. We can also recognize that it is a normal part of the cancer experience. It can help to share the feelings of loss with those we trust. Sharing your sense of loss with others within the cancer community can also be incredibly helpful as other survivors can understand the nature of the losses you are facing in a way that others sometimes can’t.
From there we can learn to accept that some of the losses are things we cannot change. We can also find ways to get closer to the things we lost in a way that still gives us a sense of satisfaction. For example, many survivors struggle with fertility after treatment and have found others ways to start a family or to create special relationships with nieces or nephews or other kids in their lives. You can still grieve a loss while finding ways to add in the essence of what you lost in other ways.
The losses of cancer can continue to come up for years after cancer treatment has ended. This does not mean that we haven’t moved on. It simply means that the loss was painful and impactful and is something that resurfaces at times much like the waves of grief we feel long after we lose someone we love.
Grief is a part of life that tells us just how important what we lost was to us. It reminds us to look back and remember what we had with love, appreciation and gratitude. It also forces us to adapt to loss and to forge a new path that honors the changes that have come with cancer survivorship.
If you have questions about this blog or any information included on this site please feel free to contact Dr. Davidson at info@cancerpsychologist.com.
Dr. DavidsoDr. Davidson is a health psychologist, in Los Angeles, whose practice focuses on support for those with a range of medical illness. Her specialization in cancer allows her to help patients adjust to their diagnosis, cope with treatment, and transition back to work and family responsibilities after treatment has finished. Dr. Davidson has assisted patients in finding new ways to achieve a greater sense of wellness as they adjust to a "new normal". Her focus is on helping patients improve and maintain the quality of their lives regardless of illness trajectory.
For more information about Dr. Davidson please visit www.stephaniedavidsonpsyd.com